Remember When...?

Do you remember that girl who who was your friend a year back? You were considered best friends. She knew everything about you...and you about her. You could tell in an instant when the other was upset. You could talk for hours about nothing....and still have something to say. Do you remember her?

Do you remember when you were 4 and you met each other over your grandparents fence? Life was so much simpler back then. All that was needed were pots, pans and mud. She was relieved to know she had a friend in you. There were no unspoken grudges held, no worries...just two friends, making it through life. 

She remembers that feeling of relief. 

Do you remember when you were swimming in the ocean...and you had swum out past where the waves were breaking...and you treaded water for hours?  You were talking about your favourite books...and you both happened to be fangirling over the same one? What were the chances of that? Probably 0.1 in a billion. 

She remembers that feeling of happiness.  

Do you remember when a guy first showed interest in you...and you stayed up for hours...talking, wondering what to do...how to approach it...whether you liked him? Both of you were nervous...and neither one of you knew what to do...yet you couldn't stop smiling. Those days were innocent. 

She remembers that feeling of excitement. 

Do you remember that day you were asked if you could come and hang with her but you said you were busy because family was coming over to your house? BUT then your boyfriend called and you were suddenly free...and she was standing right there. 

She remembers that feeling of rejection. 

Do you remember when that boy hurt your feelings...and she was the person that you came running back to? You were crying on the phone...she listened, she gave you advice...she told you what she thought was best for you...but you never listened to her. Despite the fact she was right...you went back to him...and your heart was broken even more the next time.  

She remembers that feeling of hopelessness. 

Do you remember when she was feeling lonely because you no longer needed her...and everyone else had their own friendship groups. You probably don't...because you never asked how she was. You began sitting with another group...and she was left floating. She had no one close anymore. 

She remembers that feeling of loneliness. 

Do you remember when you broke up with your boyfriend and she was the ONE person that was there for you and sided with you? She was friends with both you and him...you should have known she would have your back...but she couldn't ignore his pain either. You were so mad at her for caring about more than just you and your problems. 

She remembers that feeling of anger. 

Do you remember the day you stopped talking to her? August 2011. You hated how kind she was to everyone. You despised the fact she was friends with people you didn't like. You tried to rule her life and stop her from doing things and talking to people you didn't agree with. You never noticed how much you were hurting her inside....the pain you were causing. 

She remembers that feeling of hate. 

Do you remember when she broke up with her boyfriend...no...because you had stopped talking to her...stopped caring about her. She had no one here in person to stop her from falling further into this black hole. No one to be the listener to her like she was to you. 

She does. 

Do you remember the first birthday in 17 years that you never texted or called or visited her for?

She does.

Do you remember when she hurt so bad inside that she couldn't handle living anymore?

She does.

Do you remember when you never bothered to check in on her for months to see if she was doing okay cause you were still angry at her?

...until you received that letter in the mail. 

Do you remember that wave of utter horror and shock when you realized that letter was about her funeral?

You never saw this coming. No one did. You should have. But you didn't. She is no longer living in your universe...she is safe in the clouds. She remembers all of these times. She just wishes that you noticed the world wasn't all about you. All the little things you did that hurt her. She doesn't blame you for it now...she just wanted you to know that although you convinced her she was no longer wanted in this life...you are forgiven. 

But I guess that's what hurts most. That in the end...she was the better person. Never underestimate the damage that can be done by doing nothing...by giving up on a person.